Going home again

You can do it, but you need to do it right

We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t go home again.” When you grow up somewhere, change is all around you, but it is subtle. Most things go unnoticed like dust gathering in rooms you seldom use. 

You are aware of significant changes like the opening or closing of malls or shopping centers. However, insidious changes occur as buildings age, houses get remodeled, and neighborhood demographics shift. Those changes tend to happen under your nose; they are gradual and don’t garner much attention. 

So when you return from a long absence, all of those small changes now appear large and jarring. You notice every facade that doesn’t mesh with your childhood memories. Each storefront, now altered or vacant, grabs your attention and forces you to acknowledge that time has moved on from your childhood memories—as have you. 

Whether you’ve been living away from the area where you grew up for two years or twenty, you have also changed. You have seen things and been places; attitudes have shifted, and priorities have changed. Like the unfamiliar downtown main street, you are a different person. 

Some will instinctively categorize these changes as bad. Some of them might be just that. A lack of activity in a downtown area is not a good sign. Old storefronts lying vacant and a mainstay diner shuttered or in disrepair are not signs of a healthy and thriving town. Apartments and living quarters have grown, but without the amenities people want and need from their pseudo-urban living, those too will be vacated, leaving the area to rot. 

Then there are the changes that are vast improvements from your memories. The decaying apartment building, empty convenience store, and derelict mill have had new life breathed into them. Someone bulldozed the decrepit apartment building, known mainly to a few residents and all the local police officers. Now, it is a beautiful building housing stores, restaurants, and apartments where people want to live. Store windows showing nothing but the aging newspaper covering them are now alive with activity in the form of coffee shops and local commerce. 

As I mentioned in my last post, I ended a recent vacation by spending a few days with relatives in the town where I grew up. I find it odd to call it my “hometown” since I haven’t lived there in over 28 years, but it is the town that shaped me. 

My Air Force career took me far away from Laconia, New Hampshire. After my parents moved from the area to escape winter’s wrath, I have only visited twice. As expected, the town has changed since I was a kid. But there are also many ways in which it hasn’t changed at all. 

Businesses have come and gone, but many places I remember are still operating. Lake Winnipesaukee is still a massive tourist draw, as is Weirs Beach. The land that used to be the water slide where I worked as a high schooler is now a parking lot, and the old snack bar is a patio-focused bar/restaurant. But my memories of working there and the fun the staff had together remain.

I recognize many of the family names on businesses around the city, and thankfully, places like the Kellerhaus are almost unchanged. Even their make-your-own-sundae bar is exactly as I remember—delicious. 

Yes, Laconia has changed a lot since I lived there, but so have I. Instead of grousing about what has changed or what hasn’t, I am simply happy to see familiar places that hold so many memories. Some bad, some good, and some great. For whatever faults it had during my childhood, and whatever it may have now, this town will forever hold a special place to me as a place that shaped my early worldview. From my family and friends to my teachers and employers, my experiences paved the foundation for who I am today. 

To be fair, I have probably changed more than Laconia has. I’ve traveled the world, worked with people from every region, race, and socioeconomic background our country has, and seen and done things I only dreamed of as a child. All of that experience and exposure to other philosophies and ways of life have made me a better person and made me appreciate what I see when I return to areas I’ve left for a long time. 

So, for those who say you can’t go home again, I say yes, you can. But you have to go home with the right frame of mind. You have to understand and expect that things will be different. Just as you probably don’t fit into the same clothes you wore in high school, your hometown will not look the same as you remember, and that’s okay.